somehow somewhere inside

somewhere inside me, i just dread Parent Teacher day, this horrible day (according to me) just makes me and my gut nervous like hell, you might think i'm stupid having butterflies in my stomach just for this day, but this is me, this is how i feel. and yeah, this is how i felt today. i didn't feel hot, my face was not red, hell no, i felt nervous and cold.

think positively
1. i'm not a naughty student
2. i'm not a bad student
3. i did no wrongdoings in college
4. i'm not noisy in class
5. i'm not an academically poor student

so, no worries. *gulp* =) think positive, think the sunlight, shining brightly on your life. =)

and my TKS lecturer saw the comment made on my Maths, and she said, "u got --, and this comment "much more effort is needed" is not appropriate, the lecturer must have made a mistake, that's not a suitable comment..." lol XD seriously, i also think so, crappy, anyway, my previous Maths lecturer is not in Taylors liao. *hmmm*

i felt pretty embarrassed today, i almost wanted to find a hole and just hide myself inside there, and the main "culprit" who made me felt paiseh was my dad. i don't know whether if it's appropriate writing it here, cause it's pretty embarrassing. aihh. = /.
my dad is so NOT satisfied with my results, he kept complaining and grumbling that he not happy and not satisfied with my results. look, why does he have to judge me so fast based on my 1st semester exam? he acted as if i did VERY VERY badly, and it was like the end of the world for me, and he kept complaining, this type of result where can get into medicine, i thought you didn't really want me to go for medicine anyway, what the heck are you complaining for. i want to tell you dad, that i'm not stupid, i'm not dumb ok. please just don't criticise me, don't pull me down, because i will not be influenced by it. i know what to do, I KNOW, stop grumbling, I HATE IT.

i will work hard to achieve my dreams, i will, because i know it's not easy, i will and i will succeed.

i know you have HIGH EXPECTATIONS on me dad, because you know i can do even better right? i really hope you're thinking that way. aih. it is my fault that i got -- for both my chemistry and mathematics, because i didn't work abit more harder. i just don't know what to feel right now. i will try my damn very best to get all A's for the trial exam. i will. and all my lecturers told you that my results are quite good already, i have the potential to get all A's and they think i can get all A's, just that i need to work abit harder. and of course i believe in myself that i have the brains to get all A's, just that i'm lazy and i WILL get rid of it. (but actually, i don't think my results were good anyway, except biology) blah. you weren't listening, because you're just too stubborn to accept it.

enough said
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somehow, there is a connection and a linkage between everybody, just that we don't realise it. there would be someone who cares about you, and all you need to get that caring is to approach that person, because the happiness and caring are always there if you reach for it, it depends on YOU.

someone told me,
"but if you like it, then it's ok"
"because you'll do anything to achieve what you like in the future"
"you'll manage thats for sure"
"manage as in not just scrape through but you'll do well"
"serious ah -_-" ", i said
"ya"
"don't worry"
"doors will open"
i don't know whether this person is just being nice to me and all, and i don't know that person would ever come to my blog, but it really TOUCHED my heart, and i can tell, it will and has become a huge impact on me. it's that nice feeling to know that actually there's someone who cares about you, and gives you encouragement to boost your confidence. and tells you to go ahead for your dreams. =) and i definitely believe that although my dreams are still far away, but it will be there for me, as i make my way through all the challenges strongly, i can grasp my dreams in my hands. im aiming for it. =)

lastly i want to say thank you. =)

and i'm feeling so happy again after going back to college. =)