It Ends Tonight

Finally, things are getting way better with my friend again. it started from yesterday, both of us and a few friends talked damn lot during Biology lab. thus, i regained my lucidity and my passion plus interest. partly it was because of my friend that i lost all that, but another part was, i totally felt no fire and excitement on the 1st day of college, im like a vampire without a soul, roaming around lifeless. sigh.

i feel from now on, i could do something to change the wrongdoings that i've done last year, not working hard enough, etc etc. the most stupid thing was working "half" hard for my studies. haiz. even if i want to follow up, i have to give extra THREE times harder. maybe i shoud sleep at 3 a.m. everyday, but that's not a good idea. besides, my timetable now is much more relaxing than the past 2 semesters. thus, i have more time to push myself to the limits. but sometimes, eventhough i kinda think that i have actually worked hard last year, things don't really turn out like what you would have expected. sometimes, the exam would be harder than past years, sllyabus change, you fall sick during the exam blah blah blah.

next Monday would be totally my doomsday. receiving results for my AS exams. sigh. now only i feel regret and remorseful. but i still really want to get over it, cry, cry, cry, face the music for dunno how many trillion times, then move on with my life. you can't change the past. the problem is obviously my parents. sigh, sometimes i really feel im the most useless person on earth, why am i sooo stupid. but maybe i get to save their money for not studying medicine after all. choose another cheaper course. the older i get, the more lazier i got. too much temptation that can't be resisted. although it can be overcomed, but it seems like my soul is so weak.

i still could save the situation, that's if, i work THREE times harder than before. they say it's really hard to get A for A2 exams, especially for Chemistry. but whatever i want, i can really achieve, if my laziness doesn't get in my way. i even want to aim to get the Best in Msia for Biology, haha, yeah, laugh at me for my naiveness, quite impossible though, but no harm trying. feeling a little embarrased for saying that in my blog. lol.

"die die also must get A" - haha, learned that from my friend.

therefore, i must work really super hard.