haunted

while waiting for blogger to open my dashboard, a stupid thought popped out of my mind. wouldn't it be good if we have some kind of bionic eyes once in a while that can see through people's heart before making friends with them. but on the other hand, i thought, there would be no excitement anymore, trying to know that person even better, the rush of adrenaline would vanish, as from the start, we could already see the person's true colours.

suddenly things just go out of hand, that when you're trying to grab it back, the other party doesn't seem to care anymore, and just go on with their life, trying to as if forget and wipe the memories away, see you as an invisible person and go on being ignorant.

i rant because i still think my friend is mad at me. yeah, i know i sound quite pathetic or desperate and i shouldn't care, but i can't seem to get it out of my mind. well, when im busy with something, the matter goes off. but once im all free and staring at the computer screen waiting for my download to finish, it just floats into my mind, and makes me frustrated and stuff and wondering what did i do wrong, while i didn't. haiz. despite of such a small matter, it actually took a 360 degrees turn to our friendship. once we were so close, and now, we are like from 2 different planet, she from Mars, me from Pluto. blah.

did i mention that she said, " i need to calm down 1st..." but i really don't understand why does she need to calm down and get all angry and mad at me because of a stupid small matter. maybe she doesn't appreciate friendship? maybe she's being too emotional and sensitive? why can't she be more considerate of my difficulties instead of only thinking of her privileges and her troubles. sigh. and now, her driver could even take her to college already. i don't know what is the big fuss about. haiz.

this is the 4th day, she's giving me the cold shoulder. although she did talk to me during Chemistry lab time, maybe because i was sitting opposite her. yeah, i think that would be the reason. but for the whole day, and other days too, she didn't even turn around to talk to me, like she always do. and when she did, she talks to my friend sitting on my right as if im not there or something. like im invisible. like im a ghost or something. and she didn't even follow us for lunch.

later that day, my friend sitting on my left asked me whether we fought or something. so, i just told her the reason. and no, i did tell her that i did no wrong. well, just leave it to her to judge anyway. sigh. it must be really obvious. sigh.

what is there actually to be mad about? this is totally a stupid problem.