stuff like this and that

i've been putting away my personal problems from this blog for quite some time and i wonder why while im supposed to express all my bloody mixed-up feelings in this blog to lighten a part of me everyday. sigh.

*please wait a moment while i fry an egg*

1. time to think about what am i going to study later on in university for my future.
2. which university to apply for.
3. worry about my AS trial results.
4. worry about my upcoming real AS examination.
5. worry about my friendship with my best friend.
6. looking forward to have an "educational vacation" during the holidays.

i fought and argued with my best friend during my trial examination. mainly my mind was focusing for the exams and the problem did not really exist in my brain, which you guys might think me cruel, but the exams was my first priority. and now she's having exams and she probably won't be bothered by it too.

literally i think her problem is not contributing at all to this friendship. all the while i was the one trying to keep in touch with her, while she would not bother to reply my sms all the time. it just makes me wonder how much she really wants to keep this friendship. she can't come online i understand but smsing?? she told me she was too lazy and it was boring. wth. she even told me off to find another new best friend, obviously her motive was so that i would not bother and miss her so much. SERIOUSLY, i was VERY PISSED by her words. how could she even teach me to find a new best friend.

i feel like swearing now. all my emotions are boiling again. im not a person who would easily open my heart to others and blab all my problems and show my true colours to other people. and i know how innocent she is to always believe and get influenced by others so easily that she would get conned and taken advantage of, she might not even speak out about it. well, for god's sake, im NOT like that. and she's living in a place so messy and so kelam kabut, she might just become a person i do not recognize. sometimes i just worry for her that she would not be the angel that she used to be. and maybe she even became quite self-conscious. gosh. i don't know.

maybe it is my problem? maybe i've been expecting too much? but all the while i've been trying so hard to compromise and believe me, patience and tolerance is sometimes really not one of my virtues. and all she do is complain and whine there. im really fed up with her. i seriously feel like giving up already. but deep inside my heart, i do not want to lose her as my best friend.